Screaming on the inside

Why are you so quiet today? The nice lady asked me but funny she used the word quiet. Its very loud noisy and chaotic at the moment at least inside my head. I respond I am ok just thinking. really I'm not ok. SCreaming fussing cussing crying and fighting all at once on the inside. Why you may wonder ha why not if you was me you would too. Thats the life for me these days. Bro got time my ace held by the feds only questions no answers lil sis struggling with the loss of the man she loved so dearly murded over bs it hurt like yesterday but its years old now just to name a few. But wait there is more I'm broke love life is non existant more responsibility than resouce and thats just the way its goes. Im not complaing tho just stating facts . I have found my niche in the midst of this choas and made myself at home. I probally wouldnt know how to function if things was any other way than they are. So even tho I am screaming on the inside I wear a smile on the outside............

Bad News

Bad news bad news bad news everywhere you look bad news. The phone ring bad news. Turn on the news bad news. Go to the mail box bad news. Good dying young elders leaving at a alarming rate whats next. Its all bad when your simply consit of seeing what bad news you going to get next. Really getting numb to the bad news starting to live a a life of nothing but bad news. They got the deck stacked and no hands coming my way wtf man bad news

DEATH?????????

I hate death but I know it s a destiny no man can escape. For me death leave scars unanswered questions, and a wealth of other issues.Yea I know we all got to go one day but here lately people leaving at a alarming rate. The demographics are all over the place young old good folks bad folks its kinda scary.Sadly some deaths are easier to accept than others. Sadly some are expected cause of the lives they chose to lead.They say you should learn something from you got thru but what is the true lesson in death? The deceased aint here to teach it because they the only ones that know. Some say death teaches us to maximize our days in the world and be hospitible and square all our affairs in the world etc etc... We can go on and on about lessons that death can teach. At times I am jealous of those that got called home . It got to be better than this bullshit we call life. Life minus chaos, lies, pain, bills, and all things negative no struggling and not a concern of any sort hell maybe death is a victory............

Let Me Be

Somethings and some people are just fukn stupid no way around it. Provoking a man with serious temper issues is not smart. Compare it to poking a sleeping tiger a stick. Whe he wakes up and rips ya head off dont cry blame yaself. Its stupid to be so concerned with your point being hears that you disregard all other logic in said situatons such as the feelings of the others involved and effected by your actions. I am from here now and here own assuming the role of that sleeping tiger. I aint fukn with yall so let me be and I wont harm you. Poke me with a stick if you want to but the response you will get you wont like so just let me be and avoid the whole situation. If you do decide to poke and provoke me save the victim bullshit you cant control my rage cause has you never poked me to bgin with we wouldnt be in the situation to fukn begin with ...........

???????

Wear a smile to hide the tears on the inside. Constantly self medicating with libations and isolation but I still feel no better maybe even a bit worse. Inside the mind of a youngin with champange taste and a beer budget, good intentions potential amd ambition but this only will get you so far. Much responsibility and few resource sometimes it feels impossible to stay the course. Following a dream could be the demise of present success all the while parenting and trying my best who knew this is what it would come to and who knows what test will be next........

Message vs Delivery

Many times we miss a great message because the delivery is off a bit. I never want to miss an oppurtunity to help another or myself because the delivery is tainted. The key to communication is timing. Timing is vital to the success of anything. Don't let your message be lost by poor delivery. The time to share advice and criticism is vital to the recipient as it is to the messenger. Sometimes time is needed to think and word things properly. You never know the mindset of another regardless what you may think. Don't make the common mistake of expecting others to share the same opinion and values as you. A safe practice will be if you don't want a person to approach you with info don't approach them. Don't let something vital be listed by poor delivery just a thought.........

SOCIAL DETOX

Drugs and alcohol are not the only things we some time need to rid ourselves of. Detox has been defined as followed: 

1. To counteract or destroy the toxic properties of.

 

Now don't read this and say ferg told me to go kill and destroy any and everything that has been toxic to me but sometimes we must socially detox. We must get a way from the mix to see what ingredients in the mix are really not needed. Sometimes we must detox from family and friends. Everybody that say they care doesnt and every hand extended is not an attempt to help you. Survey your life and relationships and I am sure you can identify something or someone who is a toxin to your success. Once this toxin is identified sit back and weight the pros and cons of said toxin. If this toxin serves no role vital for you to sustain life let the detox begin. Detox is not always easy and normally involves sacrifice and pain. The only process known to have caused death is detoxing from alcohol so no cutting toxic people out your life wont kill you. Trust I am not preaching merely sharing a thought that I tend to put into action in the near future. Hopefully the end result will be something beautiful and beneficial to you and yours.