Introspection

in·tro·spec·tion noun \ˌin-trə-ˈspek-shən\ : the process of examining your own thoughts or feelings a reflective looking inward : an examination of one's own thoughts and feelings Most often its easy to blame others for what we dislike about ourselves or our situation. Mama didnt do this, or dad never gave me that, my childs parent made me miss out on this and the list can go on and on. I myself was guilty of this type of behavior to for far too long. The o poor me syndrome was the daily way of life. Then one day it got old and I had to do a real evaluation of me and what I needed in order to survive. In this process I found a lot of my ways were flawed and as I was crying o poor me I was actually not doing too bad at all. The better understanding I gained of myself made it harder to blame others. Some of my findings were scary, some where just down right shameful but all were needed to begin my journey of growth....

One more time .....

Though months have passed the pain remains. I keep asking myself why, how,and thinking that somehow I should have done more. The talks and text prior to that day stand out and I wonder did I miss something. So many questions that will never be answered why didnt I come sooner why didnt I prevent this from happening. So many things I have had to face without you so many situations I look back on and say what would have been different if you were here to help me through. What I would give to spend one more time with you ...

Thinking. ..

Deep inside my mind are thoughts I rarely choose to share. One reason I don't share is because I wonder do you truly care. Why would you I'm sure you have your own issues and concerns. Secondly I wonder if the thoughts would scare you and put even more distance between us. Some of these thoughts are old and some are new. As much as I tend to lean to my own understanding I still find myself wondering what you may do if these thoughts belonged to you. So what's a man to do...

Self reflection

Its a priceles thing to be able to look in the mirror and see progression. To know that all is not in vain and a least a piece of the process is working while en route to a complte transformation. In my younger years all my behaviors were driven by attention and wanting to be validated. Now I could care less for your attention or admiration. The time wasted on a meaningless quest to fit it and be accepted like the rest was the polar opposite of what needed to be done in order to achieve my personal best. I guess it wasnt a complete waste though cause if nothing else I have a clear picture of the shenangins in which I care not to associated with any more.....

Perception

We have all heard it perception is reality but really how true is that statement? All my lifd I have perceived myself as a Prince of sorts. Taking and paying close attention to the wise council of elders in preparation for leadership of some sort. I know that my natural ability coupled with good education and consistent decision making will only help those dreams I desire become a reality. Reality as it stands today hasnt been very kind and life sometimes feels like punishment instead of the noble royal like position I perceived for myself. So is perception really reality ....

Still ain't forgave myself

Angry confused and frustrated to say the least. The crazy part is that it is all directed at myself.I Should have said more done more asked more listened more checked more paid more attention. I am sick knowing I didn't save you. I left you alone in your time of need. You were sending signs but I wrote it off as just a bad day. Regardless of what people Say I feel like it's my fault and I still ain't forgave myself and I'm Sorry...

Pessimist or Realist ?

Riddle me this; If your daily life tends to be a great big meal of dissatisfaction and disappointment with a side order of crazy a desert plate of hate and a tall glass of u needed stress to go with the rest what is there to be optimistic about? If in every arena you tend to lose regardless of what strategy you use why would optimism be something you choose? Is is it still considered pessimistic if everything you do has a negative ending And no matter how much effort you put in you still end up losing wouldn't be realistic to consider that this ain't your season and it's not your turn to be a winner? If negativity is a constant in tour life and you begin to think negative about every situation in your life is it still pessimistic or are you accepting reality based on the cards that have been dealt and nothing ever going right ...